Motherly Babysitting and Homoeopathy
She had come home peacefully after many years, because firstly because of a job abroad, then because of Corona’s outbreak…etc. In the beginning, visiting old friends, school-college, she really felt like Parents Home (‘Maheri’). After those days of appreciation ended, however, an uneasiness of old familiarity started to be felt inside.
It was clear to her that her Dad and her beloved Brother ‘still’ didn’t get along. One day, after such a heated argument, father and brother left for their work, but the reverberations of their raised voices lingered in her mind.
All the pre-marriage memories flashed in front of her eyes………Both of their fathers loved them since childhood, but as the brother grew older, the relationship between the Father and Brother deteriorated. Despite their love and affection, both of them did not agree with each other. Any excuse is enough for a dispute. While a nice chat was going on, suddenly the argument would start.
Some raised voices given to the Mother are not tolerable at all. So, if they were face to face for some time, the Mother used to get upset. When a quarrel started, he would try to keep the house calm by explaining to both of them. When it was too much, she would ask desperately, “What can I do to stop the arguments ?”
But she remembered that even after she went abroad after marriage, her Mother used to complain on the phone about the fights between the Dad & Brother. But recently, she suddenly realized that her Mother had not spoken about it for many months.
But Mother still endures this environment everyday. Didn’t speak recently, does it mean that we have become alienated due to distance ? Did we indulge in our world, conveniently assuming that everything would be fine now?…….She felt guilty with this realization.
“Mom, still the same argument? The two of them are so sensible but they came in front of each other, what’s wrong with them ? How do you tolerate this environment ?
You didn’t talk to me all this time ?”
Mother laughed easily at her uncomfortable questions. There was no trace of the previous helplessness.
“Go ahead man, it’s their usual. It’s normal after a while. I don’t Mind and don’t bother anymore.“
“Earlier you used to cry because there was no peace in the house. How did such a change happen in you ?” asked her daughter surprisingly.
“Oh, why is Father-Son relationship like this ? When will it improve ? I was tormented by such questions for many years.
You know. After an argument, I used to console both of them, but both of them are stubborn.
They will never admit their mistakes. They will not say “sorry” to each other. “I am right” They won’t leave me.
I’m a ‘buffer’! I’ll listen to both of them. Sometimes I’ll understand, sometimes I’ll get angry.
After I started Homoeopathic Medicines at “Chaitanya Homeopathic Clinic”, I changed a lot.
The doctor told me that when you go out of town for a few days or leave these two alone for a few days, you should rest in some other place. At that time both of them will realize their responsibility.
And so did the reason for him. Two years ago, there was a fight between them for some such frivolous reason. At that time I was in a hurry to go to the village as I got word that my Mother – your Grand-Mother was not well. I didn’t pay the attention to quarrel over the assigned tasks and stayed there for fifteen days for Mother, but for me, these two would be living well, wouldn’t they? It was hard.
After coming back, these two are having fun. There was a bit of normal fights from time to time, that’s all. Without my intervention, nothing could have stopped them. And the Female maid-servant also said, “When you are out of Town there are very few arguments. They were looking & caring at each other. Both the houses were quiet.”
I thought that because I was not there, they would have felt the responsibility, the value of each other. But literally from the next day same situation continued !
But that day I asked myself something new. If the relationship between these two could be handled properly, then why did they keep stressing for so many years ?
I felt that it will be fire again, why did I keep running to extinguish it with water ?
When the boy was young, at the age of budding, it was okay to compromise between them and keep peace in the house. But now, even when both of them are grown up, why am I doing the same Motherly Interference (आईगिरी )?
How much time and energy was I going to waste trying to explain the same thing to both of them if their childlike behavior did not change over the years? “
” Then I realized, the three of them have become so used to this pattern of them fighting and me explaining, that the roles still remain the same. It is not advisable to behave differently” .
Then another question arose, ‘This has been going on for the last 15 years, does that mean ?’ , can continue for many more years. So, will we continue to suffer this stress for the rest of our lives ?
I definitely don’t want it now. So what should we do ?
Then we have to change the role, the habitual behavior that is in our blood.”
This is the change I noticed after starting Homoeopathic Medicines. I decided to think with the conscience in me. Decided to take that decision.
- “I realized that, how much responsibility do I have in these two arguments ?
- They both feel proud to win the debate. They don’t need me much when making any decisions. I mean, what do I have in my hands anyway ?
- How am I responsible for their relationship ?
- They want to change it. If they feel like it, if they want to think about it, they will definitely do it. It is their responsibility to keep their relationship as it is or change it.”
“Then came the next question, ‘Why am I suffering so much if I am not responsible ?’ It took a long time to answer this question.
But after counseling by a Homoeopathic Doctor at Chaitanya Homoeopathic Clinic, I found the answer.
In the film, such beautiful pictures of relationships are drawn in stories and novels. In my Mind I have such an idea of the dialogical relationship of Father-Son. I also want an easy, calm relationship. It bothers me that they’re not into it, so I’m struggling’, but if the definitions of relationship in my Mind and theirs are different, what am I going to change, no matter how hard I try ?
Even after explaining so many times, they don’t seem to want to change, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to change or it’s not as important to them as meaningful communication in a relationship is to me.
Perhaps in a relationship between two men, ‘ego’ gratification is more important. If, for whatever reason, two intelligent people decide to be short on a subject and have nothing to do with bothering me, then I have to solve my problem of bothering !
The main thing is that I can’t stand high pitched voices. So every time I was restless. Due to the habit of Motherly Interference (आईगिरी )? he was giving them “attention” by continuing to understand. Unknowingly, their ‘egos’ were being crushed !
After understanding this answer, I got into their arguments and closed the explanation. When I feel the need, I must state a point in one or two sentences, but there is no insistence on ‘must be understood’. Now I don’t feel hopeless because I have come out of it with understanding.
The funny thing is that since then I’ve stopped being bothered by the raised voices, and as I’ve started to ignore them, the frequency and frequency of their fights has decreased.”
After so much brainstorming, the answer I got from myself was simply, “Stop “babysitting” two sane people ! Live your life. Let them take responsibility for their actions and consequences ! Why isn’t it that sometimes my son and husband still have the relationship of my dream ? But the gurgling thought chakra has become stopped, the mother said to the daughter with a smile.
Arguments between two people, whether they are domestic or foreign, are heart-wrenching. It is often impossible to get into their arguments, to understand those people. Because they are firm on their roles. Especially in the Father-Son quarrel, the condition of the Mother becomes very helpless.
“Why do intelligent people act like this” ? This question goes back and forth. In such a case, if we look at the disturbing questions, such a thought comes to Mind.
But Homoeopathic Medicine gives you, the power to think clearly to change that role without that thought and the question that has been lingering in front of you for many years is answered in a pinch and the questions are easily solved.